Shemot: Proud (and drunken) Garlands (Isaiah 27:6-28:13; 29:22-23)

Isaiah knew a lot of truth; of course “besotted with wine” (28:7) is part of being a prophet, no matter that you may “totter in judgement” when “dazed by liquor.” (No comment on how your Hostess may have passed Wednesday night, and she would like to once again thank the Sorority and Fraternity Presidents for getting her through the evening unscathed.)  So what if the prophecies have to be simple, so long as we hear them in the end (29:23)?

So I guess we won’t be inviting Isaiah for Kiddush Club any time soon.  Or even Junior Kiddush Club, since he seems wary of that enterprise too (28:9—probably a wise conclusion on his part, since those meetings tend to end with big spills and someone crying, but that’s pleasanter than the things he alludes to in 28:8). Sometimes I think Isaiah aims too high, constantly trying for a lofty intellectual understanding beyond most of his audience. Break it down, buddy, if a little liquor helps you to break it down so that the crowd can understand…well, I’m in favor of making compromises for some greater good, but I know moral purity’s popular in a lot of circles these days.

This Haftorah starts off so well, filling the earth with fruit and apple trees. And then, just when things are beautiful…BAM! (27:7-28:13, more or less) Fire and brimstone, one of those things I always forget came from our prophets too; death and destruction, hail and…fading flowers? Well, we all feel sadness in different ways, I guess, and some days faded flowers are better than no decoration at all, especially when you’re aligning yourself with the “drunkards of Ephraim,” and then find out that your glorious beauty “is but fading flowers on the proud heads of gluttons and drunkards.” (28:1) (I know I am, but what are you?)

Recipe: Proud (and drunken) Garlands:  Shake one part Aperol, 1-1.5 parts pineapple juice, .5-1 part pisco with ice; strain into a glass and squeeze in a lime wedge. We recommend topping this off with soda, but it’s pretty good as a straight sipper on the rocks, too. (Also, would someone please try it with tequila and Meyer lemon in place of the lime?)

We wanted to crown our drink with a garland made from one of those spiral apple twists, but no one we know has that groovy rotary-crank tool (also, we were well past operating machinery). The hand-carved apple topper seemed like a good idea at the time….